Getting Back to Brook: 116 Day Check-in

116 days ago I shared my personal story. 116 days ago I started my journey with Rejuv Medical. And for the last 116 days, I have continued to change my life every single day. I know that I sound like a broken record when I say this journey has been so different for me. But it truly has. This journey has been a melting pot of so many emotions, successes & failures. Yes, failures too.

You always read success stories about how men and women just sort of “wake up” one day and realize exactly what they need to do. The one thing that finally makes you throw your hands up and say “That’s it! I’ve had it!”. For some reason, I never really had this ultimate trigger. However, since day one of this journey, I’ve had these ongoing moments of clarity that seem to piggyback one another. It’s like when you’re putting a puzzle together and you find two pieces that fit together, then rest start to just fall in line.

Day One
The moment I stepped into the gym with my new trainer, Sara, I had all these intense feelings come rushing in; Joy, Excitement, Hope, Grit, Competitiveness, and Pride. I immediately started to remember that feeling after a workout when you’re exhausted & sweaty and yet your body feels like it could conquer the world. When even the air smells better and you breathe in big pulls of new life into your lungs and mind. I remembered the rush of adrenaline I would get when I would wrap my fingers around a barbell, the tightening of my muscles as I brace myself, take that breath and just lift. Slow and steady up with the barbell finally stopping at my hips. A pause at the top then the sound of the kilo plates hitting the floor. The high fives that ended in a clap of chalk.

At this point, it was like I was on some kind of high just from the memories.

Then the workout started.

If there is anything I will tell you about me in the gym. I will NOT be beat. I will complain, cuss, cry, vomit…but damnit, I will finish. So, when Sara started me out with my first workout in more than 2 years, I was determined to finish.

And I did. Barely.

This strong, confident woman I had been in the gym before, was now out of breath, sweating profusely and so exhausted there was no conquering anything but the floor.

Then it happened. Sara looked at me and said. “You did it!” “Great job today!”

And I thought..”holy shit. I did. I DID do it!”

As I stepped out the main doors of Rejuv, I felt the air hit my face. It smelled amazing. It was like one of those movies where you see the life entering back into someone’s body. I just stood there, tilted my face to the sky and took a big, deep breath.

This has become my moment. I do this every single time I leave the gym at Rejuv now. It’s my way of acknowledging my hard work, perseverance and it just lets me know that it’s gonna be a great day and I’m ready to conquer it.

Day 116
Tonight has been a typical school night. Home from work around 6pm. Dinner on the table around 6:45. Tonight I made spaghetti Bolognese and desert was a conversation on the importance of getting our homework done. While doing said “important homework” Charlie and I realized quickly that 4th grade math sucks and we don’t have a clue. I literally caught myself stress eating a second helping of spaghetti trying to figure this crap out. Thank the Lord Charlie is a quick learner and actually good at math.

Notice something about this? Sounds pretty normal right? Because it is! In the past when I’ve done weight loss and wellness programs they have required me to live a lifestyle that is not sustainable for myself and my family. The biggest difference now is that I’m so much more aware of myself. Before this journey, I would never have even caught the fact that I was stress eating spaghetti, let alone stop myself. I would have literally just gorged my way through it. I certainly wouldn’t have texted my trainer saying “I just stress ate spaghetti” and I sure as shit wouldn’t have gotten my ass on the treadmill for 15 mins like I did tonight.

I am no longer walking with blinders on. I can see the horrible shame cycles that ruled my life before. Brene Brown defines shame as

“the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging—something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.”

I couldn’t believe how many times I had quit something because I told myself “Well, if you’re not going to be perfect and show up all the time, then you’re not worthy and people will think poorly of you.”

I was literally telling myself these horrible stories about what other people not only thought of me, but what they were saying about me. All of these were LIES I was telling myself as I sat in my chair of self-pity that chipped away at my self-worth.

You hear people talk about how just saying hello to a stranger can brighten their day. Well, when I would post updates on this journey and see the outpouring of love and support, it was like a shot of adrenaline. If everyone else could see my worth, then damnit, I needed to as well.

I am currently in a little bit of a plateau due to…wait for it… JOY and SELF-WORTH!

**insert choir of angels singing Hallelujah..or at least a trumpet. can I get a trumpet? evidently all we have are tubas** back to the point..

The non-scale victories that I’ve been experiencing feel so damned good, that sometimes I forget that my goals are much bigger than what I have right now. This is where my amazing support team of Sara my trainer, Sarah my nutritionist, my husband and close friends have come in. They have helped to nudge me along when I need it, but still allowing me to enjoy my new found freedoms as my body is getting fitter and healthier. My trainer Sara always says, “showing up is half the battle. And you’re here. I’m proud of you”.

Here are just a few of the non-scale victories that I’ve been able to really soak in as of late:

The day that my best friend, Juli, and I went to dinner at La Casita and I slid in to the booth with extra room, we both almost cried. The last time we had gone to eat there, I was wedged into the booth and spilling out onto the table top.

Moving my seat in my car CLOSER to the steering wheel for the first time ever.

Putting clothing on and feeling beautiful. Not the “beautiful except my ___” beautiful. Like straight up, “damn, girl. You got this” beautiful. ugh.

Seeing my son on a treadmill next to me because he wants to be healthy like me.

Walking taller and straighter with no more pain and numbness.

Bending over and painting my own damn toenails without thinking I was going to pass out.

Swimming/Treading water for 1 hour straight with no life jacket in the lake.

Jogging intervals on the treadmill for the first time in years.

Sleeping and waking up rested and refreshed.

Recognizing how far I’ve come from my own vices and how much more aware of my choices and thoughts I am.

Oh and I’m down just over 23lbs and just over 13 inches total body. That’s pretty fantastic too.

If you’re thinking, well that’s great but only 23 lbs? Hasn’t it been almost 4 months? Whoa whoa there chief. Yes, it may be almost 4 months, but the non-scale victories I’ve been feeling along with the mental health gains I’ve had far outweigh the scale. Now, I’m ready to start my next set of goals on this journey!

Operation: Shrink for the Seat is upon us!

We are season hockey ticket holders for the University of North Dakota Men’s Hockey at The Ralph Englestad Arena in Grand Forks. I refuse to continue to squeeze myself into a seat the way I have over the last couple years. And watching from home is NOT an option. My next mini-goal is to reach a size that is comfortable in the seats at the Ralph. Most of the games we’ll attend are in November and January. So, I will end this blog with my next mini-goal.

A total of 35lbs lost by November 10th.

If you would like to start a journey with Rejuv Medical (Gym Memberships, Aesthetics, and more) you can save 40% with the exclusive StCloudDeals here!


One thought on “Getting Back to Brook: 116 Day Check-in

  1. I really appreciate your update. 116 days and counting- oh so better showing up and doing the work! Impressive! And the important non-scale victories you have had – high five here! Thanks for the link to the discounts. I will be back on the turf soon and hope to work out with you soon!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s